matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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