Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
