you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Randomize