im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
