I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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