it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
