i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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