oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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