i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
