He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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