So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
