A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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