Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Congratulations! We have a period
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