Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
