i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
