I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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