During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
