I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
