If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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