So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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