One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize