I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
