halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
