did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
