Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
