What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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