I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
