And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
