I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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