how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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