I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
