I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
