Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
