You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
