Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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