I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
