No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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