I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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