this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
worst night to have a conscience
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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