I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
