A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
