I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
