Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
