Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
