Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
