You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
