oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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