guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
