I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
