But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
