And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
