some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
