i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
