nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
