I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
This is the high leading the old right now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
