if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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