I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
