Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
