help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
