I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize