Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
