I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize