The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
