Cold hands, warm shart.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize