I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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