Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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