I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
