but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
