I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
