how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
