Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
