I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
