I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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