...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
