The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize