On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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