You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You made out with two different species that night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
